27 December 2010

With Apologies: This one's apparently not on Larry

We like to give Mr. Aurie a tough time around here for bending the roster over last year and having his way with it. To be fair, he's been a lot more generous to us this year as we've actually been able to ice a team that was not mostly made up of the Grand Rapids Griffins. Recently, though, it's seemed like he's made a bit of a resurgence.

Pavs, after a wonderful little Christmas present from our old friend Mikael "bag o' dicks" Samuelsson, ended up busting his hand something good - keeping him out of our lineup for a solid month. Then, last night...
...Cleary suffered a fractured left ankle in the third period when he was hit by teammate Brad Stuart's shot. He will be out at least four weeks.
Khan - via MLive

Son of a bitch.

But wait! I may have been a bit hasty here. Sure, like a stripper with daddy issues I may have every reason not to open my heart and trust. Larry's dicked us over time and time again. But this time... there may be a new culprit.

When asked to "air his grievances" in honor of Festivus, Todd had this to say:
"Dan Cleary for feeling fantastic every day he puts on his equipment," Bertuzzi said. "Pavel Datsyuk for having the sickest set of hands I've ever seen - he doesn't even have to stickhandle, he can still have a good game." 
St. James - via Freep
Sorry Larry.

Apparently, to no one's surprise, Todd Fucking Bertuzzi has black magic powers that can destroy even the heartiest of men. Bert mentioned that he's got a problem with Pavel Datsyuk for being really god damn good. Though, he made sure to get specific. The Todd didn't seem to like Datsyuk's hands. Hours after that quote was published? Broken hand.

  • Well Merry Fucking Christmas right back atcha, Todd.

And really Bert? You have a problem with Dany Cleary because he's not injured all the time? Well fuck him in thirds! How dare he not have a broken foot!

  • Oh. Problem solved I guess huh 'Tuz? That'll learn him.

Turns out, based on the soundest of science, this current spat of injuries doesn't rest on the angry wrath of Larry Aurie seeking justice and his number 6 hanging from the rafters (Hang it High, Mr. I!). This little hiccup comes gift-wrapped from our good friend Todd.

At least that's all he said.

Oh wait.
"...Drew Miller just for sitting next to me. Chris Osgood for just being Ozzie..."
Son of a bitch.

Drew, watch your ass. Bert had a problem with Pasha's hands and he broke one. He's got a problem with you sitting. I'd be mighty cautious about who or what gets near your badonkadonk (sorry for the overly-technical medical terminology).

As for Ozzie... we'll he's got a problem with you for just, uh, being. We can only hope you live long enough to get #400. To be honest... it's not looking good.

Watch what you say, Bert. Crazy shit tends to happen when you open that evil little mouth. If you've got to air grievances, why not complain about how much Thid Rosby's ACL annoys you, or how you're sick and tired of trains not crashing through claude lemieux's living room?

Ozzie's got another shot at 400 tonight against the nordiques. The rivalry may be dead, but it doesn't mean I hate those fuckers any less. Lets make it happen.

1 comment:

  1. PurrrnellaJanuary 8, 2011 10:28 AM

    Instead of me stealing all your pictures to post on the Red Wings boards you should teach me your ticks so i can do my own:). i do give you Kudos every time i swipe your art though....EVERYONE LUV`D SUPER JIMMAH!!!! and i really dont take the credit, they know i`m not that good............YET!!!


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