But I digress.
Jiri Hudler's struggle this year has been well documented. Team worst -8, whopping 6 points in 25 games, playing like a floating piece of shit, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Well a couple of weeks ago, I gave some suggestions about how we could get Happy rolling. So far, it doesn't appear that the Wings front office has taken my advice, and not so coincidentally, Happy still isn't lighting the lamp. Sure, he's looked much better since CURLY FRIES WERE VICTORIOUS!! But still, if we want #12 we've got to rely on our depth scoring. Happy needs to be a big part of that equation. As such, we've got to do everything we can to get him back on his game.
Well... don't ever say I'm not doing my part.
Of course I wrote a song. Why the hell not? Everyone knows that the best way to cure a snake-bitten sniper is through the power of song. And poorly sung out of tune song, no less!
Here's the lyrics, if you're so interested:
Getting Happy: The Jiri Hudler Motivational Song
There are those that call him Happy
But he only makes us sad
Left all his talent in Russia
Now he's basically Brett Lebda bad
Babcock thought he'd score 70
But it's looking more like 6
Happy Hudler, oh what to do with you
We're getting desperate for a fix
The coaches have tried it all
Even scratching you name
What the hall are we going to do
To get the skill back in your game
We could zap him in the dick with a taser
Shoot him with a lazer
Not the kind used by Rahmani
Kick him in the balls
Slam his head against a wall
Mutilate his body
Tie him to a chair, feed him to a bear, leave him there without a prayer while everybody stares
Or promise him stores full of whores when he scores
Or just zap him in the dick
Now you may question these procedures
You may find them a little cruel
You might say why not try something else
Like pairing him with Dats or Mule
But maybe just what young Happy needs
To get back to being our favorite son
Is the constant threat of Paul MacLean
On the bench with a taser gun
So why no, lets give it a chance
You know it just might work
We'll zap some sense back into Jiri Hudler
So he'll stop being such a little fucking jerk
You might think I'm being way too harsh
Might say I should tone it down
Well have just one thing to say to you
[insert absurd rant here]
Update: Download the MP3 version here.
Oh, and I'll take my Grammy by mail, thank you. My life is clearly way too busy to be bothered to attend some ceremony.